Mom jokes - Page 12
"Having an infant son alerts me to the fact that every man, at one point, has peed on his own face.” —Olivia Wilde
"The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant and let the air out of the tires.” —Dorothy Parker
"Sometimes I stand there going, ‘I’m not doing any of this right!’ And then I get this big man belch out of her and I go, ‘Ah, we accomplished this together.'” —Christina Applegate
"I’ve learned that it’s way harder to be a baby. For instance, I haven’t thrown up since the ’90s, and she’s thrown up twice since we started this interview.” —Eva Mendez
"Some days I find myself doing strange things that don’t have any real purpose, in faraway corners in my house, and I realize I am literally and deliberately hiding from my children.” —Kate Hudson
"Neurotics build castles in the air. Psychotics live in them. Mothers clean them.” —Rita Rudner
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Honeydew.
Honeydew who?
Honeydew you want a hug?
Who’s there?
Honeydew.
Honeydew who?
Honeydew you want a hug?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin!
Justin who?
Justin time to say Happy Mother’s Day!
Who’s there?
Justin!
Justin who?
Justin time to say Happy Mother’s Day!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Bacon.
Bacon who?
Bacon cake for Mother’s Day.
Who’s there?
Bacon.
Bacon who?
Bacon cake for Mother’s Day.
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