Jokes, quotes, games - Page 126

An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. "Mr. Peterson,” she says, "Would you say you’re honest?” "Honest?” replies Peterson. "Let me tell you something about honesty. My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case.” "Impressive. And what sort of case was that?” "Dad sued me for the money.”

How do you keep warm in a cold room?

You go to the corner because it’s always 90 degrees.

Forwards I am heavy, backward I am not. What am I?

Ton.

Why did Santa Claus get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.

My parents said I can't drink coffee anymore.

Or else they'll ground me!

Why don’t elephants chew gum?

They do, just not in public.

The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn’t make any cents.

The 22nd and 24th presidents of the United States of America had the same parents but were not brothers. How can this be possible?

They were the same man — Grover Cleveland.

Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

What’s the difference between Superman and mothers? Superman is a superhero when he has to be. Moms are superheroes all the time.