Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
Not enough sand.
Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? Not
More jokes on Lawyer jokes
Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
From chasing parked ambulances.
From chasing parked ambulances.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
What do lawyers do after dates?
They lie still.
They lie still.
I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, "I want to sue the airline.” "You don’t have much of a case,” he replied.
During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, "Just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox.” The doctor decides he’ll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. When the doctor gets home, he has a bill in his mailbox from the lawyer.
A group of dinner guests was blaming all of America’s troubles on lawyers when a woman said, "They aren’t all so bad. Why, last year a lawyer gave me $1,000.” "I don’t believe it,” the host responded. "It’s true, I swear it,” said the woman. "I had a complicated personal injury case and what with the lawyer’s fee, the cost of expert witnesses, the expense of the appeal and so on, my bill was $41,000. When the judgment only amounted to $40,000, my lawyer simply forgave the difference.”
Lawyer: "May I approach the bench?"
Judge: "You may."
Lawyer: *walks up and whispers* "The other guy is being, like, super mean right now."
Judge: "You may."
Lawyer: *walks up and whispers* "The other guy is being, like, super mean right now."
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Fifty-four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It’s called Sosumi.
It’s called Sosumi.
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger. The other is a fish.
One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger. The other is a fish.
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