What do lawyers do after dates?
They lie still.
What do lawyers do after dates? They
More jokes on Lawyer jokes
I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, "I want to sue the airline.” "You don’t have much of a case,” he replied.
During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, "Just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox.” The doctor decides he’ll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. When the doctor gets home, he has a bill in his mailbox from the lawyer.
A group of dinner guests was blaming all of America’s troubles on lawyers when a woman said, "They aren’t all so bad. Why, last year a lawyer gave me $1,000.” "I don’t believe it,” the host responded. "It’s true, I swear it,” said the woman. "I had a complicated personal injury case and what with the lawyer’s fee, the cost of expert witnesses, the expense of the appeal and so on, my bill was $41,000. When the judgment only amounted to $40,000, my lawyer simply forgave the difference.”
Lawyer: "May I approach the bench?"
Judge: "You may."
Lawyer: *walks up and whispers* "The other guy is being, like, super mean right now."
Judge: "You may."
Lawyer: *walks up and whispers* "The other guy is being, like, super mean right now."
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Fifty-four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It’s called Sosumi.
It’s called Sosumi.
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger. The other is a fish.
One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger. The other is a fish.
What do you call 400 lawyers at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean?
A great place to start.
A great place to start.
What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer riding a motorcycle?
The vacuum cleaner has a dirt bag on the inside.
The vacuum cleaner has a dirt bag on the inside.
Don't judge a law book by its cover up.
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