During a party, a doctor is telling a
During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, "Just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox.” The doctor decides he’ll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. When the doctor gets home, he has a bill in his mailbox from the lawyer.
More jokes on Lawyer jokes
A group of dinner guests was blaming all of America’s troubles on lawyers when a woman said, "They aren’t all so bad. Why, last year a lawyer gave me $1,000.” "I don’t believe it,” the host responded. "It’s true, I swear it,” said the woman. "I had a complicated personal injury case and what with the lawyer’s fee, the cost of expert witnesses, the expense of the appeal and so on, my bill was $41,000. When the judgment only amounted to $40,000, my lawyer simply forgave the difference.”
Lawyer: "May I approach the bench?"
Judge: "You may."
Lawyer: *walks up and whispers* "The other guy is being, like, super mean right now."
Judge: "You may."
Lawyer: *walks up and whispers* "The other guy is being, like, super mean right now."
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Fifty-four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It’s called Sosumi.
It’s called Sosumi.
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger. The other is a fish.
One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger. The other is a fish.
What do you call 400 lawyers at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean?
A great place to start.
A great place to start.
What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer riding a motorcycle?
The vacuum cleaner has a dirt bag on the inside.
The vacuum cleaner has a dirt bag on the inside.
Don't judge a law book by its cover up.
A lawyer went to his local restaurant to wind down after a complicated trial. "What would you like with your orange juice?", the waiter asked. "Just ice", he replied.
My friend had to call his lawyer because his neighbor's hair was littered all over his property. Turns out, his neighbor got booked for trespassing.
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