Jokes, quotes, games - Page 144

A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill.
He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
"This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!”
"Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. "What are you going to do, doctor?”
"Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.”
"Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully.
The doctor replied, "Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”

How do pirates know that they are pirates?

They think, therefore they arrr.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!

What do you call a fly without wings?

A walk!

Which dog breed loves living in the Big Apple?

A New Yorkie.

What was the first word out of Adam's mouth when he first saw Eve?

Whoa man! Thus, the word "woman" was created.

Yo Momma so fat she uses the 101 fwy for a slip 'n' slide!

Why did the law student not win his case?

He had no conviction.

What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish.

Yo momma is so fat, she puts lipstick on with a paint roller.