Early one winter's morn a lawyer walks
Early one winter's morn a lawyer walks out to his front lawn and experiences the dew process.
More jokes on Lawyer jokes
Did you hear about the lawyer who sued the funeral company over the coffin?
It was an open and shut case.
It was an open and shut case.
As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."
At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?" "Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?" "Well, for three reasons. First, we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do."
The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his father's firm. At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father's office and said, "Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that you've been working on for so long!" His father yelled, "You idiot! We've been living on the funding of that case for ten years!"
How many lawyer jokes are in existence?
Only three. All the rest are true stories.
Only three. All the rest are true stories.
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.” "Well put,” the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.” The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
A millionaire informs his attorney, "I want a stipulation in my Will that my wife is to inherit everything, but only if she remarries within six months of my death.” "Why such an odd stipulation?” asked the attorney. "Because I want someone to be sorry I died!” came the reply.
"You seem to be in some distress,” said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?” "Well, your Honor,” said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.”
A man in an interrogation room says, "I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.” "You are the lawyer,” says the policeman. "Exactly, so where’s my present?” replies the lawyer.
Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. "You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?” The client replied that he did. The lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don’t tell the truth?” The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win.”
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