A lawyer defending a man accused of
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.” "Well put,” the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.” The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
More jokes on Lawyer jokes
A millionaire informs his attorney, "I want a stipulation in my Will that my wife is to inherit everything, but only if she remarries within six months of my death.” "Why such an odd stipulation?” asked the attorney. "Because I want someone to be sorry I died!” came the reply.
"You seem to be in some distress,” said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?” "Well, your Honor,” said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.”
A man in an interrogation room says, "I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.” "You are the lawyer,” says the policeman. "Exactly, so where’s my present?” replies the lawyer.
Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. "You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?” The client replied that he did. The lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don’t tell the truth?” The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win.”
Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?
You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you’d been there eight hours.
You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you’d been there eight hours.
A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he’s had enough. The bartender said, "I’ve got to ask you — what’s with the pocket business?” The man replied, "I have my lawyer’s pictures in there. When he starts to look honest, I’ve had enough.”
Why did the lawyer’s chicken cross the road?
He had an easement.
He had an easement.
What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement?
A whine cellar.
A whine cellar.
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th-grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest of the charity. Now, what does each get?” After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!”
Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processors?
No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
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