"You seem to be in some distress,” said
"You seem to be in some distress,” said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?” "Well, your Honor,” said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.”
More jokes on Lawyer jokes
A man in an interrogation room says, "I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.” "You are the lawyer,” says the policeman. "Exactly, so where’s my present?” replies the lawyer.
Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. "You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?” The client replied that he did. The lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don’t tell the truth?” The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win.”
Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?
You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you’d been there eight hours.
You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you’d been there eight hours.
A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he’s had enough. The bartender said, "I’ve got to ask you — what’s with the pocket business?” The man replied, "I have my lawyer’s pictures in there. When he starts to look honest, I’ve had enough.”
Why did the lawyer’s chicken cross the road?
He had an easement.
He had an easement.
What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement?
A whine cellar.
A whine cellar.
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th-grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest of the charity. Now, what does each get?” After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!”
Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processors?
No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site?
Because the plumbers might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.
Because the plumbers might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.
A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients. When he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it, "I’m sorry, but my caseload is so tremendous that I’m not going to be able to look into your problem for at least a month. I’ll have to get back to you then.” He then turned to the man who had just walked in, and said, "Now, what can I do for you?” "Nothing,” replied the man. "I’m here to hook up your phone.”
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