A young lawyer, starting up his private
A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients. When he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it, "I’m sorry, but my caseload is so tremendous that I’m not going to be able to look into your problem for at least a month. I’ll have to get back to you then.” He then turned to the man who had just walked in, and said, "Now, what can I do for you?” "Nothing,” replied the man. "I’m here to hook up your phone.”
More jokes on Lawyer jokes
Many years ago, a junior partner in a firm was sent to a far-away state to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney telegraphed the firm: "Justice prevailed.” The senior partner replied in haste: "Appeal immediately.”
"I’m beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money.” "Why do you say that?” "Listen to this from his bill: ‘For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25.'”
Two lawyers walking through the woods spot a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opens his briefcase, pulls out a pair of sneakers, and puts them on. The second lawyer looks at him and says, "You’re crazy! You’ll never be able to outrun that bear!” "I don’t have to,” the first lawyer replies. "I’ only have to outrun you.”
What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
Accountants know they’re boring.
Accountants know they’re boring.
Lawyers are like: "I wish you a happy day but in no way guarantee you one."
*escapes liability*
*escapes liability*
What’s the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
The vulture doesn’t take its wingtips off at night.
The vulture doesn’t take its wingtips off at night.
A paralegal, associate, and partner walked to lunch through a city park. They found an old lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted each of them one wish. The paralegal said, "I want to be in the Bahamas on a sailboat with Brad Pitt!” Poof, she was gone. The associate said, "I want to be in Hawaii on the beach with a Mai Tai and a hula dancer!” Poof, he was gone. The partner said, "I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
If a lawyer is talking in the forest and there is no one around to hear him, can he still bill for it?
A lawyer calls his client to tell him about the fee schedule. "Alright,” the lawyer says, looking through his papers. "You owe me $1,000 down and $417.58 each month for the next 36 months.” "What?! That sounds like a car payment schedule,” retorted the client. "You’re right,” the lawyer replied. "It’s mine.”
Warning signs you might need a different lawyer:
– Your lawyer tells you that his last good case was of Budweiser. – When the prosecutors see your lawyer, they high-five each other.
– Your lawyer picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose.”
– Your lawyer tells you that he has never told a lie.
– A prison guard is shaving your head.
– Your lawyer tells you that his last good case was of Budweiser. – When the prosecutors see your lawyer, they high-five each other.
– Your lawyer picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose.”
– Your lawyer tells you that he has never told a lie.
– A prison guard is shaving your head.
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