Arguing with a lawyer is like wrestling
Arguing with a lawyer is like wrestling with a pig in mud — sooner or later, you realize they like it.
More jokes on Lawyer jokes
A man was sent to hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having sex with a beautiful woman. "What a rip-off,” the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer spends it with that gorgeous woman.” Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman’s punishment?”
Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case. "Look,” said one, "Let’s be honest with each other." "Okay, you first,” replied the other. That was the end of the discussion.
Prosecutor: "What were you doing on July 15 at 9 o’clock in the evening?"
Prisoner: "I was eating a hamburger."
Prosecutor: "What were you doing at 9:30 p.m.?"
Prisoner: I was taking bicarbonate of soda.
Prosecutor: "Do you expect us to believe you?"
Prisoner: "You would if you had eaten one of those hamburgers."
Prisoner: "I was eating a hamburger."
Prosecutor: "What were you doing at 9:30 p.m.?"
Prisoner: I was taking bicarbonate of soda.
Prosecutor: "Do you expect us to believe you?"
Prisoner: "You would if you had eaten one of those hamburgers."
A defendant who had pleaded guilty saw the jury that had been empaneled, and he announced that he was changing his plea to guilty. When the judge asked why, the defendant pointed to the eight women and four men in the jury box. "When I pleaded ‘not guilty,’ I didn’t know women would be on the jury. Judge, I can’t fool even one woman, so I know I can’t fool eight of them.”
What’s the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
Jewelry.
Jewelry.
What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?
A father in law.
A father in law.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A boxing referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.
A boxing referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.
Why is it so common for attorneys to be lost in thought?
Unfamiliar territory.
Unfamiliar territory.
Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
Not enough sand.
Not enough sand.
Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
From chasing parked ambulances.
From chasing parked ambulances.
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