A lawyer, a used car salesman, and a
A lawyer, a used car salesman, and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said, "In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they’ll have something to spend over there.” They all agreed that this was appropriate. The banker dropped a hundred-dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same. The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.
More jokes on Lawyer jokes
What’s the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
The vulture doesn’t get frequent flyer miles!
The vulture doesn’t get frequent flyer miles!
Lawyer: *whispers* I did the murder. *loudly* Read that back?
Stenographer: "I did the murder.”
Judge: "Omg the stenographer just confessed."
Stenographer: "I did the murder.”
Judge: "Omg the stenographer just confessed."
In a court
Lawyer: "Did u kill him?"
Me: "No."
Lawyer: "You know what the punishment is for committing perjury?"
Me: *lips on the mic* "Much less than murder."
Lawyer: "Did u kill him?"
Me: "No."
Lawyer: "You know what the punishment is for committing perjury?"
Me: *lips on the mic* "Much less than murder."
How can a pregnant woman tell that she’s carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
Lawyer: "My client is trapped inside a penny."
Judge: "What?"
Lawyer: "He’s in a cent."
Judge: "You’re going to jail with him."
Judge: "What?"
Lawyer: "He’s in a cent."
Judge: "You’re going to jail with him."
A young lawyer is working late one night when his door opens and in walks Satan himself. "I have an offer,” says Satan. "If you give me your soul and the soul of everyone in your family, I’ll make you a full partner in your firm. The lawyer stares icily at the devil for a full minute before demanding, "So, what’s the catch?”
A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away. "Aren’t you going to have a drink yourself?” asked the doctor. "Sure, after the police leave,” replied the lawyer.
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. "All set back here, Captain,” came the reply. "Except for one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”
What’s the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a Porsche?
With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.
With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.
A lawyer, who was talking to his son about entering college, said, "What go into your head that you want to be a doctor instead of lawyer?” "Well, Dad,” answered the son, "Did you ever hear anybody get up in a crowd and shout frantically, 'Is there a lawyer in the house?'”
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