A doctor and a lawyer in two cars
A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away. "Aren’t you going to have a drink yourself?” asked the doctor. "Sure, after the police leave,” replied the lawyer.
More jokes on Lawyer jokes
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. "All set back here, Captain,” came the reply. "Except for one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”
What’s the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a Porsche?
With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.
With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.
A lawyer, who was talking to his son about entering college, said, "What go into your head that you want to be a doctor instead of lawyer?” "Well, Dad,” answered the son, "Did you ever hear anybody get up in a crowd and shout frantically, 'Is there a lawyer in the house?'”
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz and, after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day, Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing. "Your honor,” he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.” "Why?” asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want him arrested for?” "Well, your honor,” replied Carlson, "I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the care I stole.”
An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. "Mr. Peterson,” she says, "Would you say you’re honest?” "Honest?” replies Peterson. "Let me tell you something about honesty. My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case.” "Impressive. And what sort of case was that?” "Dad sued me for the money.”
The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble Space Telescope photograph of distant galaxies colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene.
A lawyer was so large that, when he died, the undertaker couldn’t find a coffin big enough to hold the body. So, the undertaker gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.
A personal injury lawyer was on vacation in a small rural town. While walking through the streets, he spotted a car that had just been involved in an accident. As expected, a large crowd gathered. Going by instinct, the attorney was eager to get to the injured, but he couldn’t get near the car. Being very clever, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim.” The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?” The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds.” The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee,” he asked, "how did you start the flood?”
Two lawyers are in a bank when, suddenly, two armed robbers burst in. While one of the robbers takes the money from the tellers, the other lines the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall and proceeds to take their wallets, watches and other valuables. The first lawyer shoves something into the other one’s hand. "What is this?” the latter asks without looking. "It’s that $100 I owe you.”
Čeština
Germany
Español
Português
Français
Italiano
Polski